I will totally admit that I have a thing about witches.
Like most people growing up in the age of modern pop culture, my first exposure to these hexy broads came in the form of Margaret Hamilton’s iconic Wicked Witch of the West. As countless generations of children had been captivated by the magic of The Wizard of Oz, I’m sure my parents thought they were doing a good thing by having a family movie night to show me Judy’s musical adventure.
Of course, they couldn’t possibly know when the film started, nor could I, that major life trauma was mere minutes away. In their defense, everything was going rather swimmingly at the onset. The movie was colorful, the songs were fun, and these little people were singing about candy-centric organizations. These are all things with which a little kid will have no problem getting on board. However, suddenly, in the midst of all this Technicolor gaiety, a flash of smoke and wicked cackle brought my little world crashing down.
Interrupting Dorothy’s gleeful bopping in the most epic way, the green specter of Margaret Hamilton’s Wicked Witch was revealed for the first time…
…and I freaked the fuck out.
We’re talking epically major meltdown. Like, I couldn’t finish the movie. The Witch haunted me, and for years, I wanted nothing to do with witches at all. Mere mention of the word was enough to make me have an internal collapse.
As you all know, I’ve since grown into a celebrator of all things creepy, and, as such, made my piece with witches long ago. However, because witches were the greatest of my childhood terrors, I still hold a special place in my heart for them as arbiters of nightmares.
Much like vampires and zombies, witches have seen a pop culture mainstreaming in recent decades. Thanks to the presence of characters like Willow on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the Halliwell sisters on Charmed, one could say it has even become a little chic to be witchy. Indeed, even our old pal the Witch of the West received a more understanding literary and musical reimagining in the form of Wicked, leading to multitudes of theater queens worldwide singing “Defying Gravity” at piano bars.
Yes, much as Mia Farrow once learned, witches are lurking everywhere.
Including, it seems, our very own Midnight Mass. As my dear ghoulfriend Peaches Christ ramps up to present The Craft with our sisters in drag magic Sharon Needles, Alaska Thunderfuck 5000, and Honey Mahogany (among others), I thought it would be fun to revisit some of cinema’s most spellbound moments of witchcraft. After all, Margaret Hamilton may have been the first significant witch on the silver screen, but she certainly wasn’t the last.
So, if you’re thinking of expanding your filmic coven, look no further than the following five enchantments to get your cauldron bubbling right.
So, without further delay, let’s light the black flame candle and meet the old broads.
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5. The Worst Witch (Dir. Robert Young)
Years before she was giving Robin Tunney a run for her money in The Craft (more on this later), witchery’s M.V.P Fairuza Balk was getting her wicked training wheels in the delightfully G-Rated The Worst Witch. Something of a precursor to the themes of Harry Potter, The Worst Witch tells the story of young Mildred Hubble (Balk), who attends a prestigious school that trains the witches of tomorrow. As such things go, Mildred isn’t exactly the most exemplary student, but when the headmistress’ evil twin sets about to destroy the witch academy before Halloween, it’s up to Mildred and her plucky sister students to save the day.
If you grew up in the late-80s, the chances that you ran across one of the million cable television airings of The Worst Witch are extremely high. This seasonal staple was popular with children and adult viewers alike for its overly campy presentation and delightfully winsome cast. In addition to Balk, The Worst Witch bolstered some pretty quality names, including Diana Rigg, The Facts of Life’s Charlotte Rae (who pulls double duty as the headmistress and her twin), and Dr. Frank-N-Furter himself, Tim Curry. Indeed, it is Curry’s performance as the Grand Wizard, as well as his subsequent musical number (http://youtu.be/-FMf8ltkCgM), that leaves one of the most indelible impressions in this kiddie affair. That said, The Worst Witch overall remains a quality outing for those looking to stick their toes into the pond without things getting too spooky, and marks a good place to begin our journey of witches on screen.
4. The Witches (Dir. Nicholas Roeg)
Although, no witch ever quite emotionally-scarred me as much as the Wicked Witch of the West, The Grand High Witch, as portrayed by Angelica Huston in The Witches, came remarkably close. Based on the Roald Dahl children’s novel of the same name, Nicholas Roeg’s The Witches is (arguably) yet another children’s film that led to a whole multitude of life trauma for a good number of youngsters.
Set at a hotel on the English seaside, The Witches tells the tale of a young boy on vacation with his grandmother, only to discover their resort getaway is also host to a witches’ convention. The witches have gathered, it seems, to better discuss how to dispatch children across the world. What follows is a paranoid, garish adventure that results in rodent transformations and one singularly disturbing painting that I still, as an adult, can’t shake from my mind.
The film’s success really hinges on the amazingly evil Huston, who seems to relish every over-the-top moment. It’s a performance for the cult cinema ages, as she vamps around, followed by coven members (such as Absolutely Fabulous’s Jane Horrocks and Academy Award nominee Brenda Blethyn), executing her dark wishes to a whimsical degree. Unlike The Worst Witch, The Witches makes witches the stuff of nightmares again, and reminds children why they are one of the most formidable foes lurking in the shadows. I can’t recommend this film enough, if only to serve as a reminder that the next time you check into a hotel, you never really do know who’s in the room next door.
3. Suspiria (Dir. Dario Argento)
I’ve always maintained that European horror flicks are worlds crazier than most things we produce domestically, and Dario Argento’s Suspiria is one of those movies that proves me absolutely right. Starring Jessica Harper (Phantom of the Paradise, Shock Treatment), this bizarre fever dream of a film concerns the story of a young American who travels to Germany to study dance at a prestigious academy, only to discover that the school is run by a murderous coven of witches.
Suspiria is really one of those films that has to be seen to be believed, mostly because it defies any sort of normal description. Argento creates for the viewer a kaleidoscopic world of mounting panic and paranoia. His lush visuals are at once beautifully arresting, but a strong indicator that with such gorgeous set-pieces, the scenes of unbridled violence will be equally visual. Taking this into account, the coven of Suspiria aren’t just witches, they’re also bitches, systematically killing the inhabitants of their school with complex Rube Goldberg-esque murder set pieces that leave the audience’s skin crawling. Suspiria is often hailed by the international film community as one of the scariest films ever made, and it’s really not hard to see why, as it is a visual masterpiece that moves at an unsettling pace. The witches of Suspira are unlike any other that populate this list, and for our own sanity, for that we should be grateful.
2. Teen Witch (Dir. Dorian Walker)
Witch cinema’s finest hour? Quite possibly! Of course, I could be biased, because I’m very much on record as being a huge celebrator of the 1989 masterpiece known as Teen Witch. In fact, I love this movie so much, I’m still a little aghast that it hasn’t been preserved in the Library of Congress yet. Future generations deserve to know the story of Louise and her magical 16th birthday.
Equally celebrated by Peaches (she’s done it for Midnight Mass a few times), Teen Witch tells the story of the aforementioned Louise (Robyn Lively), who discovers she is a witch in the days leading up to her sweet sixteen party. Of course, this leads to a plethora of shenanigans in Louise’s life, because prior to this, all she dreamed of was being the most popular girl in school. Finding aid in the teachings of a local psychic (played by Poltergeist’s Zelda Rubenstein), Louise must learn to harness her power for personal responsibility and the betterment of herself…
…or some sort of positive mumbo-jumbo.
Really, what makes Teen Witch so grand is how delightfully over-the-top the film proves to be. Full of amazing musical numbers (Teen Witch, by the way, isn’t supposed to be a musical), delicious 80s fashion, and one of the greatest rap battles of all time, Teen Witch is really the kind of movie for which movies are made. Furthermore, whereas the other films discussed so far treat witchcraft as fraught with folly, Teen Witch shows Louise embracing who she is and celebrating herself. Hair has never been so big, and being a witch has never been more fun. So, my dear children of the popcorn, I invite you to “top that!”
- The Craft (Dir. Andrew Fleming)
I mean, of COURSE The Craft is our number one recommended witch film, because not only is Peaches mere days away from doing it as a show, but also, come on…it’s kind of perfect.
When The Craft debuted in 1996, the same year as Wes Craven’s Scream, horror was in definitive need of some revitalization. The genre had become weighed down with tropes and rote scripts that had all but killed the box office appeal, and ensured audiences were really just getting more of the same. Whereas Scream provided the slasher genre a much needed to kick to the pants, and was heartily celebrated for doing so, The Craft’s impact was slightly more subtle, but nonetheless equally as significant.
Sharing the story of the new girl at school (Robin Tunney, Empire Records) who makes friends with a trio of wannabe witches (Neve Campbell, Rachel True, and our Worst Witch girl Fairuza Balk), The Craft is a stylized take on what happens when those with power go too far. As the girls transition from pretenders to the real deal, it becomes all-out witch warfare when it is discovered that not all of them want to use their newfound power for good.
There’s not a bad performance here, as Campbell, Tunney, and True are all seasoned performers who take to the material with particular zeal. But, for most fans, it is Balk’s over-the-top Goth-girl Nancy that sticks with most viewers long after the film’s credits roll. In the years before there was a Hot Topic at every major mall in America, to have an alt-Goth look was something that required a bit of commitment. However, in the wake of the film’s release, I remember a fair share of new Goths cropping up at my school. Nancy had left an impression, and not because she was a witch in black lipstick, but because she was relatable. Her home life wasn’t great, she listened to the music we did, and, under it all, she just wanted people to like and accept her. What makes The Craft an essential witch movie is because the witches in it are everything that most film witches are not. To put it simply, it’s because they’re just like us. They struggle to fit in, and they learn that magic, for its grandeur, still isn’t an instant fix to the real evils of everyday life. The Craft doesn’t fall short on delivering fun, but what makes it such a success, for me, is also the underlying thread of truth throughout.
That’s why, for its humanity alone, The Craft may just be the bewitching film of them all.
Until next time!
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Obviously, there are many witch movies we couldn’t cover in one article. Is there a witch movie YOU love? Do you feel like Cher and the Eastwick ladies deserved a nod? Does Veronica Lake have you by the broom handle? Or maybe you’re wondering why, despite my childhood crush on Omri Katz, I left out Hocus Pocus? Tell us about it in the comments, or send me a tweet at @MichaelVarrati telling me which witch has you under their spell!
